A Golden Oldie Mum to Be?

My last minute journey in infertility

3 weeks

3 weeks since my cycle was cancelled. No period. Still waiting. That’s all.

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So frustrated

So. Still waiting for my period. And worried that the brown gunk that came for just a few days was it. That I no longer have a period. That my body is screwed. I truly hope not. But at the same time, I’m not pregnant. This women’s body thing is insane.

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More waiting

I was meant to have an appointment today to get my ORT, or Ovarian Reserve Test,done. But I haven’t gotten a red flow. I just have that brown gunk coming, so I had to reschedule for Monday and hope that Aunt Flo arrives this weekend.

The ORT will help my doc figure out if my fertility plummeted in the short time since my last testing (a few months ago). And then we’ll have a chance to talk about what to do next.

I looked at the Natural IVF and I’m not so sure it’s worth the money to do it at my age. The results for the last few years are not promising. So, perhaps, this will be the end of our IVF journey. We’ll see. If so, I’ll definitely accept it and move on. I will know that we tried. Sad, but true. And then we’ll have a boat load more money in our lives to use – perhaps a nice vacation?

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Whatsup?

So, I finally had my appointment with my consultant. I have no further answers. He is still not sure why I didn’t respond. Not only did I have good numbers, but in my first scan, they could see at least 4 follicles. And yet, these didn’t respond. Not a single one did. Not one. And that is rare, and weird, and makes no sense.

So I have to come in when my period arrives. I’ve been bleeding brown the past few days so I’m guessing that tomorrow or Friday, I’ll get my full on period. And then I’ll go in and get my ovarian reserve test. Could my numbers have plummetted dramatically? Yup, but it still wouldn’t explain what happened. Weirdo.

They brought up a Natural Cycle, so I’m going to do a bit of research about that. I want to see if it’s worth doing at my age. Heck, is anything worth doing at my age?

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Recovery

I’m feeling okay today. I had a pint and a half of beer. The first drink in a long while. Damn it tasted good. I got a lot of cuddles from the husband and the dog. That felt nice. I had two friends offer to take me on a spa day. I felt cared for. And tons of others who I know through the interweb who offered their support. I felt heard.

Dealing with infertility is tough. I know that I made a choice to get married at an older age and that this choice might lead me to not being able to have kids. Honestly, I’d rather have my husband than to have a child if I had to choose. He’s my soul and rock. But I’d still love to give him a son or daughter. And who knows, perhaps this isn’t the end of the journey. It may just be a little hiccup along the way.

I’ll post again after I find out what the docs have to say. I have my next appointment on the 23rd. Regardless, at least I’ll have a plan, be it to move on and try something new or to stop and just enjoy my life with my husband and the many dogs we will own in our lives. Either way, I’ll be happy in the end.

β€œIn three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” ― Robert Frost

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Last scan

Well. It didn’t work. The cycle has been cancelled. One follicle. Only one developed and grew. There’s not much more to say right now.

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5 a.m.

Just woke up. There was a huge amount of pressure on my abdomen. Perhaps gas? So, I went to the loo. There I got nauseous and the cold sweats. Hmmm. Wandered downstairs to grab some water. That didn’t help. Perhaps low blood sugar? A few crackers later and the feelings passed. Guess I know the side effects of increasing my Menopur are now…

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Crushed

So, I found out today that I only had one measurable follicle. One on my right side. There seemed to be two non-measurables on my left ovary. And the doctors have no idea what is going on. They want me to keep going with the stims, but they are going to meet as a group to discuss my case. I’m a rarity. An usual case. They haven’t seen something like this happen in a while. I don’t know yet what is going to happen, but I think they’ll let me know some time this week. I was so positive going into this whole thing – my numbers were so great for a 43 year old. I didn’t expect to have tons of follicles or eggs, but I didn’t expect this to happen.

Updated: CRGH doc just called to tell me to up my Menopur to 450 iu and stop taking the Gonal F.

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My Friday Night

Fun times…

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Stimming – Day 6

Last night was the first night where I had to do four injections. Trying to get it all done and find enough space to do four on a small area of my tummy was definitely a challenge. Two of the meds required mixing – the cetrotide and the HGH. I had one last Menopur shot in my vial to use, and I love the Gonal F pen.

I tried out the numbing cream again. Not sure it really did much for me, but at least it made it a bit easier mentally. I decided to go in order of smallest needle to biggest. The Gonal F was easy and quick. I then waited a short time and did the Menopur, using up all the remaining meds. I did both of those on the left side of my belly button. Then I mixed up the other two meds and went to use the right side. I think I’m going to change this as the Cetrotide and HGH have a lot more liquid to them. The HGH wasn’t too bad, as I went VERY slowly in releasing the meds. The only bad side was that I bled after the needle came out and a bit of liquid also squirted out. Luckily, that is not unusual. The Cetrotide injected quickly (I really had to jab it in), but irritated my skin, so I was left with a raised red area that was ichy. In reading the side effects, I guess this is the norm. Will definitely leave that injection for last every night as I don’t think I could do another injection after it.

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